Tuesday, February 05, 2008

The Pity Pot

I have been sitting on my pity pot for a couple of days (maybe longer). If you do not like to read a bunch of whining please exit now because some serious whining is about to take place. I will apologize in advance, please forgive me.

1. Five years ago my parents and I had a serious falling out. After 30 some years of constant fighting, back stabbing, rumor spreading, lying, etc. I had had it with them. They are what has been labeled "Toxic Parents". I have had to go to counselling to over-come the controlling mind games, abuse, and manipulation they put me through growing up. Not to mention, about ten years ago they convinced my oldest son that my husband and I were terrible people and that he should do some really deplorable and terrible things so that we would kick him out and he could come live with them because "they love him more than" us. Which he did and, not knowing what else to do, allowed him to move in with them. During the past five years we have had no contact, even if they see me in a building they avoid me completely as if all of this is something I have done wrong. (This is the VERY short version of all the stuff they have done to me, my husband, and our children). So Sunday I got a call from my brother that our uncle (my father's brother) had died last week. Not only did my parents not call and tell me, but they didn't think I would care. (My problem is with them! Not anyone else in my family. I have always been very close to my extended family. Unfortunately they are unaware of my parents problems.) I had to leave church because I mentally collapsed! See, this isn't the only tragedy going on in my life right now.......................

2. Shortly before the fall out with my parents, my husband, children, and I were involved in a car accident. A drunk driver hit us at a stop light (he was travelling at 45 mph and we were stopped). This accident resulted in the loss of my husbands business, the loss of my VERY good bank job, and some long lasting, on-going, pain and suffering for us and our children. After a year of not working my husband got his CDL and went to work in the oil field. His second week, after a month of training, he BROKE his back at work. Good thing for Workman's Comp. insurance right? WRONG!!!!! He spent ELEVEN MONTHS trying to work, driving trucks, with his back broke because the insurance company wouldn't admit responsibility. As a result, he has permanent nerve damage to his left leg, the bone in the area where it was broke grew and is currently causing him unimaginable amounts of pain. After a HUGE court battle he finally got some surgery. After being off work for another six months for recovery, they determined that the fusion did not work and we began fighting the insurance company again so that he could get another surgery. Finally, more than a year after the first surgery, he got a second surgery during which time the surgeon tore a hole in his spinal cord and created a spinal fluid leak. That wouldn't have been too bad except that the physical therapists at the hospital didn't read his chart that said my husband was NOT to be moved for three days. So after getting him up they suddenly realized something was not right. He spent over a week in the hospital and almost died because his vitals wouldn't recover. When he got out of the hospital he spent another four months off work trying to recover. A year later (it's been about three and a half years now) he is still in a terrible amount of pain, the neurologist says he has severe nerve damage, and he has all kinds of problems walking, they (the surgeon and doctors) THINK that the rods in his back is causing the current trouble so begins the process of getting the insurance company to pay for another surgery. Just this past summer he had to have an emergency hernia operation (a complication resulting from all of the other medical problems), and then surgery to remove the rods in his back. Unfortunately, he is still in unbearable pain--and that is WITH taking all of the pain medication he takes. We finally convinced the surgeon to really look at the MRI's and x-rays, and WHAT DO YOU KNOW!!!!!!!!!! All of the movement from his back being broke and the bone trying to grow in has caused the opening for the nerve that runs down his left leg to grow closed over the nerves, pinching them off. GET THIS! The surgeon said, "Here let's look at the MRI from before we took the rods out. You can see the problem much clearer in that picture". WHAT?!!! BEFORE THE RODS WERE TAKEN OUT THIS PROBLEM WAS OBVIOUS!!!!!! (Deep breath). So, here we are four going on five years later back where we started almost. My husbands nerve problems are so sever that they don't know if the nerves will recover after being cut off for so long. He can barely walk, frequently trips, has fallen several times, is faced with loosing his job and probably will not be able to find another one because of his lack of education and his current physical limitations. We are, AGAIN, fighting the insurance company to authorize another surgery--who knows how long it will take this time.

3. Yes, there's more. After going on long term disability from the bank, I started trying to figure out what I was going to do for an income. I tried going back to college, but with my husbands problems it just was not going fast enough and we needed an income now. I quit school last April and have been trying to find a way to make money since. I have my own list of physical limitations because of the car accident and that makes it very hard to take just any job. Not to mention, the job needs to make enough money to support our family in the case that my husband ends up permanently disabled (ok, MORE disabled that he is now). I have been trying to work at home teaching knitting, spinning, etc, selling yarn and fiber, etc, whatever I can do to make a little extra. Unfortunately I can't get my business to go. I have applied for so many jobs that I am more than qualified for without any results. (Deep breath again)

4. Do you have or have you had a teen age daughter? Need I say more? As if there wasn't enough stress.

I can't believe this is my life! I am certain that there are those out there with worse problems than us and I feel a deep and emotional sorrow for them because I don't know how we have made it, not to mention how others with worse problems are making it. Believe it or not there is more, I haven't even mentioned all of the problems with our lawyer.

Thank you all for listening if you managed to read this whole sob story. I try to not think about all of this at once, but when it starts all going on at once it becomes difficult to see where one problem ends and the next begins. This has been nice to get it all off my chest for the day. It also helps to read all of your blogs each day, by taking my mind off what I have going on in my life.

Hege gave me this award the other day. I want her to know that she makes my day everyday, as do many of you.

Thank goodness for knitting!!!

21 comments:

Awesome Mom said...

Don't feel bad for having a pity party! That is a lot for one person to handle. I am sending a cyber hug your way. I wish there was more I could do to cheer you up a bit and help you bear your burdens.

Tama said...

Thanks so much! You really are "awesome"!

Annie said...

My head is spinning. A lesser woman would have completely crumbled by now.
I know it's little consolation, but even with the tears in your eyes on Sunday, you looked GORGEOUS.

Annie said...

...and here I'm feeling sorry for myself because I can't get caught up on my laundry. Somebody kick me.

Tori :) said...

(((HUGS))) to you. I don't know what more to say. You will be in my prayers.

Lisa said...

Well I'm going to say something that may cause you to smile....While living the drama that is my life I paused to pray one day and do you know what that sweet, calm, small voice said to me? "You should feel at peace and honored as the Lord only gives you what he KNOWS you can handle. The Lord KNOWS how STRONG you are". This prompting has taught me SO much! I LOVE my trials...they tell me how STRONG my Heavenly Father KNOWS I am!! How blessed you will be if you keep doing what you are doing. Remember, my dear sister...it's not WHETHER you get through your trials, for you will with the help of the Lord, but how you WEATHER them.

My hugs and prayers are with you!

Hege said...

I'm sending you a big hug!!
Your husband must be very strong since he manage to work with all that pain!

I do hope you find a great job soon!

pontos said...

Hi, just to send a big hug and to say "hang on", you are truly amazing! :)

Tama said...

Thank you so much everyone! It really means a lot to me to know that you are out there thinking about me, and that you would take the time to wish me well. I hate to whine because I know that there are others with more problems than me--which is why I have never said anything about all of this on here, but I had to get it out yesterday. I am feeling much better today. Thank you!

Millie said...

I'm so, so sorry. My prayers are with you and your family.

Fiber addikt said...

I will simply send you a hug and hope that the silver lining in these clouds can appear to you. Stay strong and know that G-d doesn't give anyone anything that she cannot handle.

Gretch said...

Sending my virtual {{{{{HUG}}}}}

No Cool Story said...

There has never been a better time to have a Pity Party. I can't imagine the sorrow and sadness from any one of those things, let alone all of them combined.
((((Hugs))))
You must be a very strong woman. I hope things get better Tama.

Nancy Face said...

I can't begin to imagine the reality of the pain, sorrow, and worry you have been experiencing. I can only say that my heart goes out to you. I am so sorry, and I hope you see blessings come to your family. (((HUGS)))

Klin said...

{{{{hugs}}}} I could related to some of what you said. Frustrating. My oldest daughter is not yet a teenager, she's only 12, but my studies were focused on adolescents. Feel free to email me at mrsmonkeybutt@q.com if you have any specific questions. {{{hugs}}} I really do wish that I could ease some of your burden. That I had some answers that would give you more hope. Hope for a change not just for getting through it all. I will keep you in my prayers. I do want you to know that keeping boundaries with toxic parents is a good idea. Not popular, but mentally healthy. {{{{hugs}}}}

compulsive writer said...

I just dropped by to wish you well.

(And I'm so with you sister on that #4.)

Best--

Joyismygoal said...

hey, which is southern for Hi I am so sorry you are down --we all go through hardships and while we are in them we can't see our way out and when we look back on them we look at how much we have grown, so can we call it growing pains:> I don't mean to trivialize your major problems but how we deal w/ them is all we have to show Heavenly Father our faith so we can be broke and miserable or broke and looking on the bright side:> Ignore me if I sound obnoxious

Caloden said...

A pity party is sometimes the best way to vent your woes. Hugs and warm cosmic thoughts to you and yours. :)

JustRandi said...

You just pity party all you like. I can't even imagine.
I know I'm a cyber-stranger, but I'm sending you((cyber-hugs)) anyway!

AfternoonMoon said...

having a "toxic parent" myself, I am glad that you are seeking help. and with having a teenager in the house, you must have TIGHT guage. I can't relax for anything when the boys are all home. Three teenagers and two at 11yrs, means DRAMA LLAMA is here to stay!

Jennifer B. said...

I just found your blog and want to say that I am praying for you today. I hope you'll be lifted knowing that people care and hope for things to get better.

p.s. I am astounded by your gorgeous yarn and your creations. What talent and skill you've developed!